September 2016 Bad Poetry Contest!

Discussion in 'Contests' started by Miss Wood, Sep 2, 2016.

Vote for your Favorite Bad Poem!

Poll closed Oct 1, 2016.
  1. Entry 1

    2 vote(s)
    10.5%
  2. Entry 2

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Entry 3

    7 vote(s)
    36.8%
  4. Entry 4

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. Entry 5

    1 vote(s)
    5.3%
  6. Entry 6

    2 vote(s)
    10.5%
  7. Entry 7

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  8. Entry 8

    3 vote(s)
    15.8%
  9. Entry 9

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  10. Entry 10

    1 vote(s)
    5.3%
  11. Entry 11

    1 vote(s)
    5.3%
  12. Entry 12

    2 vote(s)
    10.5%
  1. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    Hello [USERGROUP=2]@Member[/USERGROUP] 's!,
    Thanks to our very own lovely member, @Junnabee , we are happy to bring you all the latest contest honoring Bad Poetry Day!

    Guidelines:


    The contest guidelines are simple - write the worst bit of poetry you can. It can be funny, poorly written, or just flat out awful in the most entertaining ways. The subject, length, and style of the piece is up to you!

    Rules:

    - There will be no word limit, but try not to make it too long
    - There will be no more than one post per person
    - Contest entries will be accepted until September 20th 2016 11:59 pm EST.
    -All
    Entries should be sent to @Miss Wood by that time.
    - Entries will be shown on the next thread as anonymous to be voted on (no user name will be added).
    - Voting will begin September 25th 2016. A winner will be announced on October 1st 2016.

    The winner of The contest will receive a One of a Kind medal to show off to everyone. They shall all bow to your awful writing! The winner will also receive forum recognition via the notice bar.

    Good luck to everyone! If there are any questions just pm @Miss Wood !

    Dish rhymes with Wish
    Which rhymes with Delish
    I wish I had a rhyming thesaurus
    Then maybe I could rhyme better-ish
    Potatoes
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2016
    8 people like this.
  2. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    Noodles.
    The End.


    If I could have one wish at age four
    I'd wish for so many donuts galore
    I'd want them frosted, glazed And filled
    I think I would even want some of them grilled
    Donuts, donuts, would fill up my belly
    I'd even want ones with raspberry jelly
    I'd never stop wanting more and more
    Who wouldn't want that at age four?

    If I could have a wish at age ten
    I'd wish for the strength of a hundred men
    I'd want to be able to lift large boats
    And a building filled with thousands of goats
    Punch out any wall that stood in my way
    Or be the hero that saved the day
    No sword, but my fist would be mightier than the pen
    Doesn't that sound like fun at age ten?

    If I could have another wish at twenty-one
    I'd ask for money to have some fun
    To buy a house and pay off my school
    Have a new car that made me look cool
    I'd want to make it rain once at least
    And maybe have a taco bell feast
    It'd sure be great to be set from then on
    You're Damn right I'd retire at twenty-one!

    But maybe I can save it for age fifty-two
    I'd wish I looked younger than I do
    Get a whole new pair of wonderful tits
    And make sure I never got anymore zits
    My ass would make a younger man's neck nearly snap
    With a double take and a "yeah, I'd tap"
    Who cares if my beauty wasn't really true
    I'd still be real happy being fifty-two

    I should just save it for when I'm eighty-seven
    Right when I knew I was on my hour eleven
    I would make sure to say all of my farewells
    And make sure that I tell some to go to hell
    I'd write my last letter, tell the love of my life
    That I seriously didn't mean to stab him with that knife
    Then I would wish that there was really a heaven
    So that I could die happy at age eighty-seven


    Tragedy, a two part Haiku.

    Inspiration Strikes!
    A magnificent reply.
    Bad Gateway Error…

    Why did I not save?
    I should have written in Word.
    You hurt me, Gateway.


    Life is small and strange,
    Yet we have all we need here,
    Now give me my cake.


    At least.
    One, two, one two.

    A slight thrum of rubber and road,
    The wind whistling across spinning steel and exposed skin.

    At least I have this.
    Music blaring, pedals churning.

    A bicycle on a lonely road,
    Headed for somewhere even he does not know.

    A fearful life, am I even human?
    Second star to the left,
    Straight on till morning.

    At least I have hope.
    Touch of a lever, slow for the oncoming turn.

    He won't turn back,
    She'll keep going till her legs give
    And further, till the machine won't carry her.

    A new life,
    A fleeting hope
    And she runs on empty.

    At least I'll never have to look back.
    Never have to remember.

    Can't look back,
    Past the point of no return.

    A note left behind,
    A body never to be found

    Countless miles lay behind me.
    Ahead of me, only a feeble promise
    To be something, anything.

    At least I can't go back, now


    kittens make me cry
    cats make me cry
    I love cats
    w h y


    Roses are red
    Carnations are pink
    I want to be good
    but sometimes I stick
    Violets are blue
    Daisies are white
    I won't go peacefully
    I will go out with a fight.


    Sitting at my computer
    And staring at the screen
    I've got a box of tissues
    Looking for that "special" scene

    I click around the website
    Going from vid to vid
    But nothing is quite worthy
    For me to stroke my squid

    There's models, gimps and midgets
    In leather body suits
    While grandma's doing jumping jacks
    In purple go-go boots!

    This woman weighs 450
    And they've got her in a swing
    As I just sit and ponder
    "How'd they get her in that thing?!"

    There's Whites and Blacks and Mexicans
    And Asians far and wide
    Yet nothing's caught my eye enough
    To break me of my stride

    Then light shone down from heaven
    The clouds, they started parting
    I clicked mute on the video
    Of Helen Keller farting

    I frantically leap towards the mouse
    And quickly click the link
    Eager to watch perfection
    And the ultimate of kinks

    "This is gonna be a big one!"
    I screamed without a doubt
    But just before I reached my peak
    My power just... went out


    Everything's going to be fine
    Everybody Dies
    You just gotta be the last one


    A ticket a tasked
    I had my hens in a basket
    I frolicked away
    And to my dismay
    I stumbled in her curds n whey
    UP popped miss tuffet
    Her hair all fluffed up
    Covered in her curds n whey
    She spat out a spider
    That ran out beside her
    to chase my hens away
    I screamed and I shouted
    "To hell with your power!"
    As thunder clapped over head
    For see miss tuffet hadn't the clue
    Of what just came unglued
    The sky had ran black
    As horns grew with a crack
    For the demon had been released.
    "I didn't mean nothing but peace"
    As she ran to get her piece
    Covered in curds n whey
    "Oh dear!" She shrilled
    As a hand grabbed her thrilled
    "Stay your hand demon!"
    As the clawing had begun
    "I did not mean to cause alarm"
    "For you had broke my calm!"
    "Be still demon for i have forfeit"
    But the demon chose to ignore it
    She ripped and clawed
    A gore never meant to be awed
    She stills at the calm
    Seeing her soaked arm
    She let out a shriek
    At the bloody heap
    Resting at her toes.
    The sudden woes
    Filling her chest
    She thought it best, to bury into her chest.
    As sudden tears filled her eyes
    The spider finally arrives
    He spun his silk
    To cover the wilt
    Of miss tuffet he carried away
    And to the demons dismay..
    She saw the spider tear her away.


    Day
    Day went away
    leaving us all to say
    why oh why Day
    Why has day gone away?
    We can not say.
    But Day has fled away
    And left behind no Days
    WHY DAY?
    So now we cry and yell
    Cause Day apparently fell down a well.
    But really Day just decided they had personal issues and wanted to name change on people and now no one knows who they are anymore and just wanna be all holier than thou and shit in chat and not say that they are really Day and I HAVE PERSONAL ISSUES AND I NEED LOVE AND MY DAD NEVER LOVED ME

    Screw you, Day.


    Sonnet number: too high to care anymore

    How can i compare thee to a summers day? Hot sweaty and revolting.
    My sweet dove dropping your shit where you please.
    You are my honey, drizzling it on whoever pleases you.
    Our love is like a crystal: worth only money
    So let me give you a rose full of thorns and then you will die once and for all you bitch.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2016
    3 people like this.
  3. Lestari

    Lestari And we have sent you not but as a mercy

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    Can I just express how devastated I was to log onto ANH and find an alert about being tagged in a 'bad poetry' thread

    Actually this is a pretty swell idea. I don't know if I'll take part but I'm looking forward to seeing what folks submit for this!
     
    3 people like this.
  4. Hooligan

    Hooligan フウリガン Administrator Moderator

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    I can't wait to read all the entries.
     
    2 people like this.
  5. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    The contest is closed for entries. All entries will be posted soon and voting will begin 9/25/16. A winner will be announced 10/01/16.

    Good luck to everyone who entered!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2016
    2 people like this.
  6. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    Hello [USERGROUP=2]@Member[/USERGROUP] 's !!!!

    The contest entries have been posted in the second post below the contest details. Take the time to check them out , choose your favorites , then out of those favorites name some mice after them and make them fight to the death to pick your winner!

    Voting will begin on 9/25/16!!!

    Good luck to all participants!!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Ree

    Ree MORE.

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    I am hoping for poetry of Vogonic proportions!
     
    2 people like this.
  8. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    All right [USERGROUP=2]@Member[/USERGROUP] !

    It's that time! Time to vote for your favorite Bad Poem! Voting will be open for five days and close Sept. 30 at 11:59pm EST. The winner will be announced on October 1st! They will receive much lovely praise and a wonderful, special, slap it on me , shiny Medal! So good luck to all the participants!!!
     
  9. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    The voting is over guys!

    You voted for your favorites and coming out on top with ;

    Tragedy, a two part Haiku.

    Inspiration Strikes!
    A magnificent reply.
    Bad Gateway Error…

    Why did I not save?
    I should have written in Word.
    You hurt me, Gateway.

    Is @Corinthi !!!

    Congratulations!!! We are not worthy!!!
    Thanks to everyone that entered, you all rocked it!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2016
    2 people like this.
  10. Corinthi

    Corinthi A Charming Monster

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    Thank you for this honor.

    I'd like to thank Go Daddy for being such a worthless web host and inspiring this terrible poem.

    I'd like to thank the staff for all their hard work first trying to work with, then getting rid of Go Daddy.

    And I'd like to thank my fellow members for being such a friendly community of creative writers that when the site was going through its hosting issues, we rode those issues out with good humor and grace.
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. Miss Wood

    Miss Wood La Dama

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    We all survived the Gateway Errors, that is the new song of our people
     

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